The Vaselines: Live

Last Friday night I went to see The Vaselines play at the HMV Forum in Kentish Town. Like many people there, I first heard of this band through Nirvana. During there famous unplugged set, Nirvana played their song "Jesus Don't Want Me For A Sunbeam." Nirvana's first album also contains two Vaselines covers.

There would therefore be some truth to the statement that The Vaselines have gained fame through Kurt Cobain's advocacy. This is to miss the point however. They really are a great band in their own right- though I might never have discovered that.

The reason I was in London was to see Metallica. Months before, a friend and I were thinking about what to do on the Friday night so we casually checked what live gigs were on. It was a very quick decision- "Yeah, let's give that a go."

There was great musicianship on evidence at this gig but what really carried it was the humour both in the songs and the banter with the crowd. I still haven't fully digested what has happened yet.

It's been twenty years since this band last toured. They are far too good, in their own right, to let this kind of gap to develop again.

"Don't even try to cheer me up because you'll NEVER be able to make me happy."

From a literary perspective, insults are wonderful. On the stage, in film or on the page- we can take real delight in them. This is partly due to the way they reveal so much. In a few words, a whole context can be condensed before exploding into existence.

The best insult I ever recieved was one I got last week: "Don't try to cheer me up because you'll NEVER be able to make me happy!"

People do not always talk directly to each other. Sometimes that which is left unsaid can fester until things boil over. The insult then manifests itself like a beautiful plum of smoke.

With the insult in question there is so much going on. This person does not want to accept my friendship because she thinks I have bigger plans! There is also confusion here. There really is a difference between being concerned about someone and trying to work your way into someone else's life. Friendships should occur naturally. They should not be a product of manipulating plans. I am no Marquis de Sade.

The insult works because it tries to undermine my manhood. It's as if this person is saying, "You will never be man enough to please me." You have to admire how ingenious this is.

This has been a gift nonetheless. I perform best when I am under-estimated. I do not need anyone else's belief in order to push myself forward into the world. I have my own ideas and know my own mind.

Charles Bukowski: Ham and Rye

This novel is really something else. Published in 1982, it's a semi-fictionalized account of Bukowski's childhood from his first memory below a kitchen table to the bombing of Pearl Harbour.

The book deals with the beatings inflicted by his father, explores the social anomie of a teenager suffering sever acne, how he discovers sex and alcohol and perhaps most importantly; his literary heroes John Fante and Ernest Hemingway.

Time after time Bukowski describes how he is faced with a choice between 'bad and worse'. The impotence of his circumstances manifests itself into fighting, drinking and seeking solitude in his writing. He describes how difficult he found it forging deep friendships in his childhood. Of course, this is a theme that has been developed by other writers but I have never seen it described with such clarity before.

Often a weakness in one area of life can mean that another part becomes developed more than ever could be expected. The vitality of Bukowski's writing demonstrates this like nothing else.

Sunset Behind Black Mountain.

I was in work this evening and when I took my 15 min break, I was awe struck by the sunset behind Black Mountain. It reminded me of when I was young and still living in Belfast.

I could see a part of Black Mountain from my back bedroom. I rememeber being sent to bed early during the summer when it was still bright outside. Even when I was five or six years old, this image always had the ability to take me away from my everyday concerns.

Reflecting upon this now, this was during the height of 'The Troubles.' Belfast was in the mist of bombings, shootings and punishment beatings. Of course, I was too young to understand what was going on but I did understand what a beautiful country we all lived in.

Human beings are very forgetful. We get wrapped up in our everyday concerns. Percieved injustices, extreme pain, betrayl, ideals and tribal politics can all distort our sense of reality in brutal ways. A societal beat can control our movements until we only see what we are 'meant' to see.

It is always important to look at things a little closer or try a different perspective. Sometimes it is important to unlearn the lessons of the past so that we can try to move in a new way.

Anyone for salsa?

Physical Illness

Nietzsche talked about how physical illness can produce spiritual highs in 'Human, All Too Human.' This is the original source of the following phrase: "If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger."

This week I had a head cold. Nothing serious, just enough to trip me up so that I lost my normal stride. When this happens you can not fulfil your habits. I was forced onto my back.

I didn't have the energy to write. Just to think and reflect upon how things are going.

I have decided to make a few small changes. I will start back to the gym and take more control over what I eat. I will miss the food but this body is the temple of great thoughts!

It's time to recover.

Miles Davis: A Different Kind of Blue

Last night I watched a documentary about Miles Davis entitled "A Different Kind Of Blue." The title comes from two sources. First, a portrait Joni Mitchell painted of Miles after his death. This is also a reference to a 1959 album entitled, "A Kind of Blue." The documentary included the 38 minute performance of Miles at the Isle of Wight festival in 1970. (What a gig that would have been! Artists included Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, Leonard Cohen, The Who and Free.)

I never really 'got' Jazz. The closest I came to developing an interest was while watching a scene in the film Collateral. Tom Cruise goes into a Jazz club to kill the owner. While having a drink, Cruise's character talks about listening behind the music. There is an emphasis here on live jazz and an existential attitude of improvision. It works well for the film but I thought that it was overstated.

How wrong I was! Miles' performance at this festival was really something else. In a clip, Joe Satriani talks about listening to the music and how it awakens 'multi-dimensional consciousness.'

There is no centre to jazz. This is not to say that it is just random noise. Little themes are developed here and there, while other bits of music are picked up and worked on before being dropped. There is great freedom in this way of playing.

As far as Miles' performance, there is a hint of ecstasy, a freeing of boundaries and an expressive joy in the combination of melodies.

I once read that Jack Kerouac aimed at developing a jazz style when writing "On The Road." Again, there was no centre to that work, just re-ocurring themes in a spiritual quest of expressivity.

It now makes sense.

Curse words

As a child, there is something delightful about learning curse words. Children know that they shouldn't say them but when out of earshot from parential influence, the language can turn the air blue.

It's not that children know the full meaning or context of these words- the delight comes from the act of transgression- of doing something that is frowned upon by adults.

There is also alot of laughter in such behaviour. Adults can seem absurd from the child's perspective. These 'mere' words can shock an adult which gives the child an immense sense of power.

Similar behaviour is shown in young children when they 'play fight.' I have a nephew who likes to punch me as hard as he can to see if he can make me cry! He doesn't mean any harm by it, he is only testing his own strength. Such behaviour is natural.

Curse words are a device to try and put adults off balance and this is magic when it works!

Charles Bukowski: Post Office

I have just finished the novel 'Post Office' by Charles Bukowski. It is an amazing piece of writing. While it does not try to impress it is impressive. The writing is simple and straight forward. It charts episodes in a eleven year period of a man working a deadbeat job and how such a man still tries to live and enjoy life.

There is much great material here- like how the soups (the supervisors) abuse their position and power and enforce silly rules. How drink and the racetrack counteract such abuse by giving a man a sense of freedom. It also explores racial tension in a period leading up to race riots in LA.

Bukowski's relationship with women is complex. There are moments of vulnerability and sensitivity in this novel while at other times there is a more extreme attitude. He was certainly a product of his 30's upbringing- though this can not excuse some of his more macho stances.

Overall this is still a worthwhile read. It compares well with writers such as Jack Kerouac. Both are great novelists but there is no religious undertones with Bukowski. He is out to make the best of a bad beat. He is not searching for answers but only for a way to survive.

Discipline

If we are to achieve anything great, we are told we need discipline. What is generally meant is that we stick at it when we are tired or thinking about giving up. A novel for instance, might take months if not years to wright. If you gave up after three or four chapters because you then had a 'better' idea, nothing would ever get finished.

I think this overstates the point. Most of us live pretty mundane lives. Everyday is much like the one before. After you leave school, years seem indistinguishable from each other. I could not tell you a big difference between 2003 and 2004. They have melted together in my memory and it would take a real effort for me to tell the difference.

When this has happened we have bought into an idea, i.e. that living as an adult looks something like getting a regular full time job. You get up at the same time every morning and go through the same routine. You take the same route to work, have the same breakfast and buy the same newspaper.

If you work in an office you might even go through the same ritual. You buy the coffee out of the vending machine before reaching your desk. You sit down, take a deep breath and ask the same colleagues the same questions. 'How is everyone this morning?'

This type of discipline does not achieve anything great. Rather, you have become a disciple to a working ethos. As a slave to the grind, you have become switched off to other possibilities.

There is another type of discipline. You can push yourself to think of something different and fresh everyday. To attempt to write a poem or song may not have an immediate effect on your circumstances- but it does keep you awake. It keeps you sensitive and open to other courses of action. Day dreaming keeps your soul alive.

The wrong kind of discipline only turns you into a zombie.

The idea of heaven

Every sunday afternoon I was sent to Sunday School. My parents were not particularly religious, it was just an excuse to get my two sisters and me out of their hair for an hour and a half.

Despite my non-belief, I think there was a lot of good that came out of this. I grew to like the big questions and this probably feed into later life when I studied philosophy. I enjoyed confronting my Sunday School 'teachers' with awkward senerios. Two notions I played with were why animals do not have souls and why God did not decide to create a more perfect world.

Another highlight was the free sweets we would get at the end of every Sunday. This was a cheap way to buy our good behaviour!

There was a lot wrong with this experience. With the younger lads, there was always competition to be the best dressed. The competitive instinct can take many forms but this was a tiring manifestation. There was a group mentality and it was often difficult to speak 'out of turn.' A typical saying was: "There is not such a thing as a non-believer who once believed. If you truely believe, you will never lose your faith."

I also didn't like the blackmail. The idea that non-believers would go to hell was not really an argument but it frightened the life out of me. There is something wrong with telling children that if you do not believe you risk being sent to lake of fire for eternity. And as we do not know when we will die, you'd better start believing soon!

I remember praying, asking God to show me a sign because I really could not believe. I was worried in case what they said might be true. I was really frightened. I remember then being told that God would not give me a sign because he also needed to test my faith. If I really had faith, I would need no signs. I was only a child for goodness sake!

It was fear that drove me to such measures as praying. The idea of heaven really did not appeal to me. I was told that there would be no sin and no free will. We would naturally know what was good and could not even think sinfully. As we were full of sin, we could not have a clearer image of what heaven might be like.

If I have children, I will never send them to Sunday School. While my experiences there were not entirely negative, I am still living in the aftermath of such head games.

The God Machine- The Desert Song

Everyone remembers 'eureka!' moments; like the time you finally figured out how to do long division in maths class. Life is full of such moments, when a difficulty is surmounted and you finally 'get it'. Sometimes, we even get such 'eureka!' moments when something has not been playing on us, when we have not been experiencing any difficulty. We can be surprised by insights sometimes, as if someone has given us an unexpected gift.

When I first heard The God Machine's "The Desert Song' this was such a moment. The production is full of middle eastern influences that provoke the imagination, of incidental bits of music that push forward what music can achieve.

The desert is the location for the production of the three main monothesitic religions. One can imagine the wide open spaces, the sheer size of which is both intimidating and inspiring. Unlike city dwellers, it is impossible too become to wrapped up in your own circumstances as a desert rat. You are forced outward, needing to rely on your wits in an environment that is intoxicating.


This track intermingles such influences sonically by suggesting important influences like the music of prayer in mosques. Even the 'talking track' is subtle in its execution, referring to a theme of western philosophy since Descartes: "Why people are destroyed by lack of knowledge because doubt has rejected knowledge." This is music that really pushes the imagination in a creative and engaging way.

The desert is the home of the prophet.

Vampirism

The vampire is the most obvious metaphor for the emotional parasite. From Buffy the Vampire Slayer to Bram Stoker's Dracula- we have been telling stories about those beings that live off the energy of others.

We are both attracted and repulsed by the image of the vampire. There are the sexual undertones, the crossing of boundaries and the appeal of an eternity lived half dead.

We identify with this being from our own lives. We all know people who prey on others. We may have at some point been victim to such people. Whether that be bullying in school or the workplace, we can identify the vampires that live off the energy of others.

We are implicitly aware that vampires are only half human and have lost their souls. In concrete terms, this means that the vampires are not living their own fulfilled lives.

There is also the issue of deception. We are not always aware of who the vampires are until they strike. They may seduce their victims through promises or praise until it is too late. In a close relationship, flattery can be used like a drug. When we come to depend on the praise of others, this can be withdrawn at precise times so that the vampire can influence and control the victim.

As always- the lesson is to remain one's own most trusted friend. To be adult means making your own decisions, trusting your own thought processes and not relying too much on the friendship of others.