Art and the unrequited.

There is perhaps nothing as damaging than unrequited feelings for another person. Feelings are not like thoughts and it is difficult to rationalize with them. You cannot decide to like someone just as one cannot decide not to like a person. Feelings are pre-rational.

You can control your behaviour and act honourably or dishonourably. It is always possible to say nothing when one wants to speak or to lie to save someone else's feelings. Yet, you cannot 'convince' someone to like you. Nor should you be too disturbed when someone you do not really care much about, expresses unwanted feelings. All you can do in such circumstances, is to act with respect and give a polite but firm 'no.'

When you feel strongly for someone and they do not return these feelings, it can be very hard to deal with. The first response is to feel that one's pride has been undermined. This can then develop into feelings of injustice. It takes a lot to leave oneself vulnerable and risk rejection. This is why repect is of the ultmost importance.

One cannot make oneself unfeel the other person by making a decision. When someone says, "It is time to move on..." it is never that simple. While such advice is often given with concern from a friend, one cannot simply wish the other person and their memory away. All one can do is live with the pain until the feelings die a natural death.

To try and force this issue can lead to damage. One can drink oneself into an unfeeling state. Or one can learn to hate themselves and then the beloved can become a victim of nasty remarks or worse. Socially, the best one can normally do is to remain silent.

But this is when the therapeutic value of art becomes apparent. To write a novel, love poem or song- to paint or make a film is an activity closely connected with bereavement. One both learns to remember and forget slowly in an act demonstrative of love.

People Are Strange

It was Jim Morrison who wrote and sung, "People are strange, when you're a stranger. Faces look ugly when your alone. Women seem wicked when you're unwanted. Streets are uneven when you're down."

It is a fantastic song and one of The Doors best loved. Again, it is an example of how language can marshall behaviours and dampen creativity. These lyrics also seem to be a response to something that is probably instilled within all cultures.

I once got a school report in which my English teacher commented, "Glenn is a unique and interesting individual." Which is a kind of nice way of saying that I was weird!

It doesn't have the same effect though. I was proud of this comment and it helped build my confidence in myself. I have certain ways of dealing with people and seeing the world and that is okay!

Of course, there are huge presures to fit in. Sometimes people need say nothing. Someone just has to give a look and you know that they disapprove. It can therefore take a lot of guts and determination to remain creative. Creative people by defination don't always fit in. They more than likely stand out for they don't think and behave in ways that are expected. In such circumstances, you can also be ignored because people don't know how to deal with you.

Returning to The Doors song one notices that there is a double bind with feeling out of place. The world can become strange too. One can have a sense of anomie and the desire can then become an overpowering one of wanting to belong. That this song actually exists gives one another answer. The song still manages to communicate without there being such a desire to fit in. It has a 'take me or leave me' attitude. More in fact- there is an empathy with this way of communicating. It is a song that is concerned with other human beings. It is saying- don't judge me because I am different or not like you. I can understand your desire to judge but there is no need! I am different but the same.