Last night I watched a BBC4 documentary about music from Northern Ireland, as part if the channel's Ireland week. There were some great acts on there: Therapy?, Iain Archer, Snow Patrol (known in Bangor as 'no show patrol' but that is a different story), Duke Special and Van (the man) Morrison.
It is amazing how there is such great talent from such a small place. One thing that really stood out for me was Duke Special's comments. He was remembering a dark time in his life when he was doubting his own abilities and wondered if he could even consider himself to be an artist. A year little he is on Jools Holland performing!
What I remember though is a night when I turned up in the Spring and Airbreak in Belfast with two other friends. We had been drinking and the place was empty. Duke Special was on the stage performing. We got a seat right in front of the stage and were impressed by his version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." We shouted out a request for "Better Man" by Pearl Jam and really pleased that he knew it. We had a really great night, though I am not sure what Duke Special would have thought of us! We did get a bit silly, shouting out other requests such as themes tunes for children's television programs.
He really didn't have to put up with that but he took it in good humour.
It really is such an obvious thing to say but if you do have self belief it is amazing what can happen over a period of twelve months.
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label therapy. Show all posts
Saturday, 16 May 2009
Monday, 16 February 2009
Art and the unrequited.
There is perhaps nothing as damaging than unrequited feelings for another person. Feelings are not like thoughts and it is difficult to rationalize with them. You cannot decide to like someone just as one cannot decide not to like a person. Feelings are pre-rational.
You can control your behaviour and act honourably or dishonourably. It is always possible to say nothing when one wants to speak or to lie to save someone else's feelings. Yet, you cannot 'convince' someone to like you. Nor should you be too disturbed when someone you do not really care much about, expresses unwanted feelings. All you can do in such circumstances, is to act with respect and give a polite but firm 'no.'
When you feel strongly for someone and they do not return these feelings, it can be very hard to deal with. The first response is to feel that one's pride has been undermined. This can then develop into feelings of injustice. It takes a lot to leave oneself vulnerable and risk rejection. This is why repect is of the ultmost importance.
One cannot make oneself unfeel the other person by making a decision. When someone says, "It is time to move on..." it is never that simple. While such advice is often given with concern from a friend, one cannot simply wish the other person and their memory away. All one can do is live with the pain until the feelings die a natural death.
To try and force this issue can lead to damage. One can drink oneself into an unfeeling state. Or one can learn to hate themselves and then the beloved can become a victim of nasty remarks or worse. Socially, the best one can normally do is to remain silent.
But this is when the therapeutic value of art becomes apparent. To write a novel, love poem or song- to paint or make a film is an activity closely connected with bereavement. One both learns to remember and forget slowly in an act demonstrative of love.
You can control your behaviour and act honourably or dishonourably. It is always possible to say nothing when one wants to speak or to lie to save someone else's feelings. Yet, you cannot 'convince' someone to like you. Nor should you be too disturbed when someone you do not really care much about, expresses unwanted feelings. All you can do in such circumstances, is to act with respect and give a polite but firm 'no.'
When you feel strongly for someone and they do not return these feelings, it can be very hard to deal with. The first response is to feel that one's pride has been undermined. This can then develop into feelings of injustice. It takes a lot to leave oneself vulnerable and risk rejection. This is why repect is of the ultmost importance.
One cannot make oneself unfeel the other person by making a decision. When someone says, "It is time to move on..." it is never that simple. While such advice is often given with concern from a friend, one cannot simply wish the other person and their memory away. All one can do is live with the pain until the feelings die a natural death.
To try and force this issue can lead to damage. One can drink oneself into an unfeeling state. Or one can learn to hate themselves and then the beloved can become a victim of nasty remarks or worse. Socially, the best one can normally do is to remain silent.
But this is when the therapeutic value of art becomes apparent. To write a novel, love poem or song- to paint or make a film is an activity closely connected with bereavement. One both learns to remember and forget slowly in an act demonstrative of love.
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